Things I Wish We Had Planned Better Before I Became a Widow

 

  1. Discuss Financial and End-of-Life Wishes.

 

Sit down together with a glass of wine or cup of coffee on a regular basis and talk about your wills, your beneficiaries listed on your investments, your healthcare directives and your kids.  Discuss why you invest in your current investments, why your sister should be responsible for the kids and why you don’t want to donate body parts. Make sure you understand the expectations should something happen to either one of you.  

 

When the hospital that my husband had been rushed to, asked if they could donate his eyes, I was lost.  I had no idea how he felt about donating, a subject we had never really talked about, and I was terrified of going against his wishes.

 

  1. Create a Place for Passwords and Need to Know Key Information.

 

Whether you record everything in a three ring binder or on the computer, just do it, and keep it updated.  Think about logins and passwords that you would need should something happen. Think about important account numbers or information about key contacts, security codes, pin numbers, or where to find these items.  Think about preparing an inventory of any items stored in the safe deposit box and know where the keys are kept. Make it something that’s easy to keep updated.

 

I ran into trouble with our storage unit.  I knew we had one, but I had never been there, putting things in storage was always on my husbands ToDo list.  I couldn’t remember where the storage unit was located, what the entrance pass code was or where I might find our exact unit number.  Luckily a monthly bill arrived via email, and my husbands computer remembered the login and password for the site where I could find all the information on our unit.  This reminded me to print out the list of websites with login and password from his computer so I could continue to login to websites and accounts he used.

 

  1. Make Sure to Get to Know Your Financial Advisors.

 

Do you have a financial advisor, accountant or insurance agent?  Make sure you get to know them all, don’t always make you husband go to the meetings and think ‘he’ll fill me in later’.  It can be important that you have a relationship with these key advisors should something happen.

 

Luckily I was in on all these conversations and meetings so I felt comfortable picking up the phone and crying on the shoulder of each of these advisors, and these advisors knew enough to keep me from taking my finances off track during those first few months when I couldn’t think straight.

 

  1. Properly Title All of Your Accounts.

 

Jointly held accounts are the gold standard, either held jointly with both names on the account or joint tenants with right of survivorship, this usually allows the surviving spouse to inherit the contents of the account without triggering any probate.  Brokerage accounts and bank accounts should be held jointly so they aren’t frozen at the death of a spouse and it’s a good idea to have any household bills such as utility, telephone and TV in both names so the surviving spouse is on record as an existing customer.

 

Several of our utility bills were only in my husbands name.  Upon his death, these companies closed his account and opened a new account in my name, without any of the long-term customer benefits, discounts or bonus points that had built up in the old account.  The most difficult for me was dealing with our bank. My husband had surprised me with a new car just months before and had financed it with our banks special 0% financing. Because I had not taken the time to put my name on the car or car loan, the bank, where we had several joint accounts, immediately demanded full payoff of the car loan or they would reposses the car.  They would not allow me to continue the loan and were not willing to add my name to the loan. Not wanting to part with so much cash so suddenly, I traded in my almost brand new car for another, paying off the old loan and opening a new loan in my name. All this shenanigans could have been avoided if I’d just had my name on the car and the loan.

 

  1. Avoid Probate.

 

Place assets like your house, investments and bank accounts, in a revocable living trust.  In most circumstances trusts are then not subject to probate. Probate puts your assets at the mercy of the courts, accounts may be frozen and the process of transferring the assets can go on for months, leaving you without enough cash on hand.  If you don’t have many assets or don’t feel ready to set up a trust, try to make sure both names are on all of your assets and accounts. If for some reason you don’t want to have both names on everything, arrange a joint emergency savings account with enough to get through the funeral and those first few months.

 

We had not set up a trust, but we held everything jointly or I was the listed beneficiary, except for that previously mentioned new car, so I avoided probate.  I found dealing with those few small issues that popped up really overwhelming at the time so I was grateful I didn’t have to deal with probate.

 

  1. Check Your Beneficiary Designations Regularly.

 

If you have a life insurance policy, annuity, retirement account, or any other account that requires you to pick a beneficiary, the beneficiary designation that you chose goes above what you put in your will or trust.  This means that if your life insurance still lists your now ex-wife as the beneficiary, you ex-wife will receive the life insurance payout regardless of what your will says!

 

My husband and I used to sit and do a big financial review each year when we did our taxes, always a painful time anyway so might as well just do all the yucky adult stuff at once.  We would look thru our finances, did everything have both names, proper beneficiaries chosen, is it still useful or should it be closed, what do we need to add? This review often lead us to the bigger discussion of where we were going with our finances, which leads up right back to item #1 on my list!